You’re not losing weight. Your relationships seem to be going nowhere. You’re still at the bottom of the ladder at your job, with no hopes of climbing anytime soon. God isn’t answering your prayers. Nothing goes right in your life.
What if the reason things aren’t going well in life is because of you?
That may be hard to swallow at first glance, I know, but think about it for a minute.
I used to think everything bad that happened in my life was every one else’s fault. I got fired from that job because my boss just didn’t understand me. Most likely the truth revolved around the fact that I had serious issues with authority.
I was morbidly obese because my sexual abusers hurt me and forced me to eat. The truth was I chose to eat to cover up the emotions I didn’t want to deal with due to the trauma of those events. My weight problem was my fault, no one else’s.
It’s so easy to blame others for our troubles, especially God. We get frustrated because he isn’t answering our prayers. What if the problem really isn’t on God’s end, but ours?
Dr. Rita Hancock writes in one my new favorite books, Radical Well-being: A biblical guide to overcoming pain, illness, and addictions,
“IF you feel as if God isn’t answering you, or if you feel “lost” in your journey for answers, realize the problem isn’t likely to be on God’s end. You may have barriers that prevent you from hearing from God.”
Wow!
We have to admit our own faults to move forward.
You are responsible for your today, not what someone did to you in your yesterday. That doesn’t mean there isn’t pain. That doesn’t mean everything is hunky dory and life should be grand. It does mean, however, that you can’t blame your future on your past.
If you’re still the same size you were last year, evaluate your situation. Are you stuffing your emotions with food? Have you gotten off the couch to exercise? Are you using the Cheetos as a way to temporarily forget your past?
If so, that means it’s your fault you’re not losing weight. It’s not your boss’s fault, your husband’s, your mother’s, or the Frito Lays Corporation.
We have to identify the barriers keeping us from moving forward.
You can’t seem to keep friendships. You’re negativity has chased everyone away, but somehow it’s their fault. They didn’t listen enough. They didn’t coddle you when you complained about how your boss just overlooks you, even though you work harder than anyone else.
What if the problem is the fact that something deeper in you keeps you from committing to authentic relationships? What if allowing yourself to be vulnerable with someone might show others a side of you that you’re not ready for?
Because of that fear, you push others away. You try to be in control. You complain because you’re not ready to take responsibility of your own fears.
It’s your responsibility to ask God to reveal those barriers to you. Dig deeper and ask yourself what walls you’ve built up to keep others away.
We have to believe the truth about the situation versus our perception.
The truth is your boss doesn’t hate you. You’re not climbing the ladder at work because your attitude stinks. The “Employee of the month” plaque runs and hides when it hears your name.
Why? Perhaps you believe lies about who you are, so you allow yourself to be that person anyway. You’re not bad. You’re not mean. You’re scared. Scared turns into anger. Anger turns into bitterness. You get the idea.
Who are you really? You’re not who others say you are. You’re not who you think you are. You’re a new creation in Christ. You are a child of God. You are not condemned, but forgiven.
Only you can change your thoughts though and believe these truths. No one can do it for you, not even God. Remember that free will thing he created in each of us?
Ask God to show you. Ask him to help you drop your defenses. Ask for compassion. He’s ready to show you truth but you have to be ready to hear it, and then do something with it.
Image by Patty Maher
Sundi Jo is a writer, speaker, and small business owner. She is the author of the free eBook, Step Away from that Diet, sharing tips from her 145 lb. weight loss. You can easily find her writing at the local coffee shop in a pair of jeans and flip-flops.
Website: → Sundi Jo
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Wow! Wow! Wow! I’m so glad you loved my book, SJ! Thanks for everything you’re doing to try to help others through your own experience. God bless you, girl!
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 9th, 2013 at 11:56 am
Thank you, Rita, for being so willing to spread this message of hope and healing. I know it will touch the lives of many.
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Why You Just Might be the Problem
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Recognizing the truth over our perceptions can be so tricky at times…how we feel, feels so real.
Phil 4:8 has helped me in this area. I go through each word and relate it to my situation for insight. Example: What is noble about this? What is Praiseworthy? Etc.
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 9th, 2013 at 11:56 am
Yes! Great idea. I do this as well thanks to Tommy Newberry and his book, “The 4:8 Principle”.
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Why You Just Might be the Problem
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Very good approach to teach how to live life positively.
Rahul invites you to read… Blogging Goals of 2013 to Make More Money
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 9th, 2013 at 11:57 am
Thank you Rahul. I appreciate the compliment and thank you for taking time to read it.
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Why You Just Might be the Problem
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Wowser! Cold, hard truths today. So true, if you can’t accept that you are responsible you can’t accept that you have the power to change it. Thanks
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 9th, 2013 at 11:57 am
Amen Charlene. Sometimes we (I) need the cold, hard truth.
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Why You Just Might be the Problem
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Really good article Sundijo,
I would say that if you are the solution you have to conclude that YOU are the PROBLEM.
It is a bitter pill to swallow but, get over yourself and more FORWARD to success.
Darnell Jackson invites you to read… Alex Jones is crazy, like a fox.
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 10th, 2013 at 7:21 am
That’s a great point, Darnell. If you’re the solution, then you’re the problem. Thanks for that insight.
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Why You Just Might be the Problem
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Great post, Sundi! You are so right that there are times where we need to fix ourselves. There have been times in life where I have seen people who know what they should do, but they just don’t do it. Not everyone has big glands or thyroid problems. Some people just don’t want to do the necessary things. I am a runner, and while I know that there may be times where psychological blocks are in play, when things aren’t working, I look at the season’s training, what worked, what didn’t work, and figure out what to do for the next season to get better.
Steve Nicholas invites you to read… Keep Going
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 10th, 2013 at 7:22 am
That’s a great way to put it Steve. There may be rough days, be need to look at what’s ahead. Unfortunately, I have been, and at times can still be, knowing what I need to do, but don’t do it. We’re all a work in progress.
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Why You Just Might be the Problem
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Very important post Sundijo! People have a tendency of blaming other people or luck for their
current situation without realizing that they are responsible for there fate!
They just use this as an excuse not to do anything.
I had a friend who always complained that he is at the bottom of the ladder of his work. So I asked him –
Why don’t you try to climb up by showing excellency and he replies i have no chance of getting promoted.
Why don’t you find another job? – I ask him. Its convenient he replies.
So if you don’t try, how can you expect to succeed?
Denis Kostner invites you to read… The Impact of Technology on Society
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 10th, 2013 at 1:10 pm
It makes me sad that you’re friend doesn’t see or believe in his potential. Praying God opens his eyes to change.
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Why You Just Might be the Problem
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Why is it the fun, creative, adventurous people that like to try new things and laugh and have fun that people typically say haven’t grown up? It seems its the staunch, starched, form fitted stiffs that haven’t grown up. Your husband sounds like an awesome mature guy.
Sammie invites you to read… 5 Weird Travel Tips: Burns, Burglars, and Bed Bugs! Oh My!
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That is a wonderful article. It is probably one of the toughest things to admit that sometimes (more often than not) we are at fault with what is happening to us. But once you know it, admit it, you know what direction you should move to from now on. You get better and definitely happier.
Lena invites you to read… What is Creative Writing?
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 10th, 2013 at 1:11 pm
You’re right, Lena. You do get better and happier.
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Why You Just Might be the Problem
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Wow, this is such a great post and wonderful reminder that we must take responsibility for our thoughts and actions.
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 10th, 2013 at 1:12 pm
Thank you for stopping by Suzie. I appreciate you reading.
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Why You Just Might be the Problem
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Thank you, Sundi Jo, for the awesome article. It’s just what I needed to hear tonight. It’s too easy to blame someone – anyone – else for the situation you find yourself in. But, I’m learning that the choices you make are yours – and can’t be blamed on your friends, your boss, your past – or anything. I am trying to learn to rely on God, to hear Him. . . And, although I pray, I often ask “Why is God not listening to me?” Well, maybe the problem is me. . . Thanks, again, for the insight!
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Great to meet you here, Sundi Jo. We have a lot in common except I haven’t lost as much weight as you have – only 33 lbs. I too blog about weight loss and personal development and God in our lives. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more from you. Blessings, amy
Amy Hagerup invites you to read… Help! I Need Weight Loss Products that Work!
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 11th, 2013 at 7:51 am
Amy, 33 pounds is huge. Don’t say you’ve “only” lost that much. Celebrate it. Looking forward to reading your blog.
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Becoming a Life Changer
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Real power lies in belive and real positiveness also lies in belive.Your all of progress is because of your belive in God.He is Almighty and has many gifts for you in reward.
Maja invites you to read… A Chance to Avail the Coupons
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 11th, 2013 at 10:20 am
You are so right Maja. We serve a Mighty God!
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Becoming a Life Changer
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As soon as I read through the you, you, yous I realized that well, yeah, I am the problem. Its about accountability. New Years resolutions are where I take full accountability, why? Well, they’re my resolutions and they belong to no one else to get them done but me.
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 11th, 2013 at 4:11 pm
You’re right, Paul. They belong to no one else. How well do you do with your New Year’s Resolutions? I stopped making them a few years ago.
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Becoming a Life Changer
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Paul Lee Reply:
January 14th, 2013 at 10:20 am
I try to make my resolutions realistic as possible, and start testing them in November the year before. One of my resolutions this year was to read a few books that I’ve been keeping in the back burner for sometime, when new years came about, I had two books down and a combination of momentum and confidence to tackle the rest.
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 14th, 2013 at 2:20 pm
I like that plan. I love reading. Never too many books.
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Lies that Make You Think You’re Fat
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This post is the epitome of “Reality bites.” It’s real eye-opener. Thank you for sharing it with us. I’m definitely cleaning up my act this year.
Kristine invites you to read… Kim Wilde Drunk Christmas Impromtu Performance on British Rail
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 14th, 2013 at 8:52 am
Thank you for stopping by Kristine. Here’s to a new year of cleaning up our act.
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Lies that Make You Think You’re Fat
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What a lovely share!!! You have provided here the vital truth of life. I agree that if not many a times, but indeed sometimes we ourselves may be the central point for troubles. It is high time that we reallise this fact and keep a tab on our acts to lead a tension free life. These are true words of inspiration. Thanks for the share.
Aayna invites you to read… Kim Wilde Drunk Christmas Impromtu Performance on British Rail
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 14th, 2013 at 8:53 am
Thank you Aayna for stopping by. I’m glad my words could inspire you.
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Lies that Make You Think You’re Fat
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Reading this made me recall someone who once said ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’. Was it Eleanor Roosevelt?
I suffer from inferiority complex and I’m just beginning to rise up from its clutches. I am indeed realizing that the world does not owe us anything. In order to have friends, you have to be friendly. In order to find love, you need to open up and love first. And positive thinking is not enough. What works is positive action.
James M. invites you to read… Jack Reacher – Awesome Movie
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Sundi Jo Reply:
January 14th, 2013 at 8:54 am
That’s a great quote, James. You’re right – what works is positive action. It’s all about taking action.
Sundi Jo invites you to read… Lies that Make You Think You’re Fat
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Sometimes we just overthing situations too much and end up blaming ourselves for no valid reason. It’s always best to understand the situation before jumping into conclusions.
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Sundi: Hey, nice to meet you and it was a real pleasure reading your writing. I like what you talk about because I don’t just love Yeshua (Jesus), but I fear him more than anything. Consider this, a potter makes a clay pot with their hands and the clay doesn’t tell them what to do or what they are doing wrong, but instead has no say at all. So, there really is no point in questioning what God does in our lives . We should accept what happens whether it be good or evil that God does in our lives because even if it is evil, it’s not like we can make him stop by complaining. Everything happens for a reason, but what we can do is to live a righteous life by following his laws until the end and continuously pray for mercy and wisdom.
Best Wishes,
WIlliam Veasley
William Veasley invites you to read… The Humble Man
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I guess the gist of this is self-control and discipline. If we can master both traits we shouldn’t have a problem with follow through.
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Self-analysis is always healthy to correct one self where we are wrong or may need improvment. Appreciate your share.
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What a great post!
Yes, believe in yourself that you are a good person. Instead of just being something that we think we should do, what if we create resolutions or goals that emerged from the core of our being – from our sense of purpose in life? This way, we can get bigger about who we are and what we can accomplish!
Patricia Anderson invites you to read… 3 Tips to Create New Year’s Resolutions That Stick
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great article with great words and Very good approach to teach how to live life positively.
So true, if you can’t accept that you are responsible you can’t accept that you have the power to change it. Thanks
we are the responsible for our thoughts and action
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I agree! Maybe it’s time we start to reflect on our own personality and start to sort out the things that might became our stumbling block over such period of time we spent not minding them at all. Thanks for sharing this with us!
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Hi Sundijo,
I couldn’t agree with you more!. Most of the times we are always looking at others as the problem and never have we stopped to think about the factors within us that make us look different towards us. This is really food for thought and thanks for sharing
Regards
Dickens
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Sundi Jo Reply:
February 1st, 2013 at 8:53 am
Thanks for commenting, Doreen. You’re so right. Have a great day!
Sundi Jo invites you to read… What Really Happens at the Super Bowl
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A long overdue subject, Sundi
There’s a condition in most of us called Cognitive Dissonance that has a mental blocking affect when we’re presented with material we find foreign or difficult to believe. I causes major challenges when it’s present on one or both people in a relationship and impacts on our own Wellbeing too.
Loved this and thanks for the share.
Martin invites you to read… 51 Things He Wishes You Knew
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