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You hear it every day. “Follow your passions,” or, “Live the life of your dreams,” or, “Do what you love,” or, “Live with purpose.”
You read how following your dreams is essential – an inspirational book hits the market every Tuesday highlighting how one person transformed their bleak life into the good life.
And you can’t help but ask, “Who Cares?”
Don’t you ever wonder why you don’t care?
Why does “follow your dreams” do little to nothing to inspire you?
Why can you read book after book on the subject and yet see your life drastically unchanged?
Why does something that seems to motivate so many sound like empty and hollow clichés?
Does passion for your life even really exist for you?
Do loved ones bury your passions?
Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” – Howard Thurman,
Simple? You bet.
Easy? Not in the slightest.
A Very Sad Christmas Carol
Everyone loves my mom … including me.
When holidays come around she springs into action like the supermom she is.
She would have a long list of gifts she was getting for the family. She would even make lists for some of the other parents so they knew what to get.
Everyone was taken care of. She made sure of it.
Then my dad would ask her what she wanted for herself and he would receive a blank stare.
She literally had no idea!
You ask her what my third cousin on my mother’s side, Richie’s, favorite action figure was and she would tell you, “Stretch Armstrong,” without skipping a beat.
But when the time came for her to get something for herself, she did not even know where to begin.
Are you being selfish?
Why are we taught that being selfish is a bad thing?
We are trained that if we EVER want anything for ourselves it is wrong.
“Think of your kids first.”
“You must take care of your husband.”
“Giving is the most important quality.”
Have you ever taken a flight before?
You are about to take off and they run through all the standard safety procedures?
“In case of sudden cabin pressure loss, these masks will drop down. Put your mask on first before attempting to help others put theirs on.”
What a plane crash can teach you about your passions.
Put your own mask on first?
But what about your children?
What if you have 11 of them?
You would be celebrated as a hero if you died saving 4 of your kids before collapsing and dying.
Being selfish could save your life … And Christmas
But what if you take an extra 15 seconds for yourself?
You could save yourself and possibly even more. Your life would become more valuable because YOU decided it has value.
You prove its value by making it a top priority.
When you put others first, you are saying they are more valuable than you. You will soon realize you are living entirely for someone else. Then what happens when that someone else is gone?
You cannot begin to know what your passions are if you do not stop and take the time to be a little selfish.
Make it a habit.
Sure, some people truly come alive knowing they are giving to someone else.
If I asked you what you are passionate about and you said, “Dedicating my entire existence to be used by others,” this is not for you!
This is for those who are looking to “follow your dreams” and have no idea what that even means.
Good news…
An easy way exists to know you are on purpose.
Discover your dreams without feeling guilty
Get in the habit of asking yourself, “What do I want”?
Start making decisions. And making them often.
If your spouse asked what you want to watch on TV, don’t say, “You pick, honey,” when you know you do not want to watch football.
If you are going to dinner with friends, YOU pick the restaurant this time.
You pick the movie.
You pick the vacation.
You speak up in your meetings.
No matter how little the decision may seem, you MUST choose for yourself.
Put Your Mask On First!
You deserve a life filled with passion. Whatever that means to you.
Only you can discover this.
Make the choice to start going after it.
Take the first step.
Put you own needs first.
Because, why not?
Don’t you deserve to be just as fulfilled as everyone else?
You can continue to contribute to the lives of those around you, but how much life can you give when you have none?
When you do come alive like I know you can, you can give so much more.
Finding your passion does not have to be this mysterious journey. You can start today by taking some me time.
Save your own life first!
Coach Comeback has lost his entire life living for someone else. Only after losing everything did he achieve mental clarity and begin rebuilding a life on purpose with the girl of his dreams (Cece: Left). Stacy's readers can enjoy access to his $97 Life Reinvention training program FREE. Learn more at 30Daycomeback.com/stacysecret
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Hey CC! So very true. “Me time” has to be where it starts or we’re just fooling ourselves and not reaching our core inner being. Now, it COULD be that mom’s me time IS the doing for others but if she’s not completely aware “self-aware” of that, she’s probably missing the boat!
Everything ties into that inner being, doesn’t it CC? For me, that’s when I really come alive and i’m not living someone else’s dream, or being caught in someone else’s agenda.
Good stuff, CC. Nice to see you here!
Carmelo invites you to read… WELCOME TO CRITTER WISDOM
[Reply]
Coach Comeback Reply:
November 12th, 2012 at 7:52 am
Hi. Thanks for stopping by Carmelo.
Yes I really do believe everything comes from the core. There is a quote I posted last week on twitter that summed this up nicely. It said “start building your dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs”.
I love that , because it really made you stop and think. Are you living a life for your purpose or Are you helping to build someone else’s purpose? And then that brings the bigger question, what makes their purpose more important than your own? And if you don’t start to live for your own deep inner passions who will and when is that perfect time you’re waiting for?
Start now start today!
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Anthony Robbins Personal Power II 30 Day Challenge – Day 1
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For sure … get to work on your own dreams. That’s not to say you won’t partner for someone with the same or complimentary dreams. It’s not even to say you won’t work for someone else. Just make sure you’re in tune with who you are and what you want first! Don’t be a blank slate and subject to the impressions others force upon you.
Carmelo invites you to read… WELCOME TO CRITTER WISDOM
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I run into this frequently in my therapy practice, James. Women are especially bad at forgetting about themselves throughout the family years and then, when the kids are gone, they have no idea of their own wants or needs. It takes awhile to learn to be self-ish again, but it can – and should – be done!
Bobbi Emel invites you to read… Can’t keep up? This one thing will simplify your life. Really.
[Reply]
Coach Comeback Reply:
November 12th, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Yes! That is exactly what happens Bobbi. You spend so much time caring for others that you actually forget how to care for yourself. It takes form it lots of negative ways if not taken care of. Mental health goes down. Fatigue sets in. Depression. Lack of purpose.
All of this can be cured by just being a little selfish! It is up to us to change that negative connotation to the word and make people see how valuable it really is!
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 30 Ways To Stop Self-Sabotaging Your Life
[Reply]
Coach Comeback Reply:
November 12th, 2012 at 1:06 pm
Yes! That is exactly what happens Bobbi. You spend so much time caring for others that you actually forget how to care for yourself. It takes form it lots of negative ways if not taken care of. Mental health goes down. Fatigue sets in. Depression. Lack of purpose.
All of this can be cured by just being a little selfish! It is up to us to change that negative connotation to the word and make people see how valuable it really is!
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Set Boundaries In A Relationship – The Quick and Dirty Way
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Wow. Haven’t seen such an inspiring article in a while. You really shook the order of my thoughts.
Cristian Stan invites you to read… Coffee Grinder Reviews
[Reply]
Coach Comeback Reply:
November 12th, 2012 at 1:09 pm
Thanks for stopping by and saying so Cristian! =-)
This really is something people should not just gloss over. This is your life we are talking about here. Make it your number 1 priority and others will do the same.
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 23 Pictures That Say – Stop Complaining and Start Creating
[Reply]
Cristian Stan Reply:
November 13th, 2012 at 2:05 pm
I sure will Coach!
I’ll send you feedback once in a while to brag about my progress
.
Cristian Stan invites you to read… Best Home Espresso Machine Reviews 2012
[Reply]
Coach Comeback Reply:
November 14th, 2012 at 9:51 am
Hahaha =) I expect that Cristian! I want to hear good things from you soon. Dont make me come looking for you lol
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Anthony Robbins Personal Power II 30 Day Challenge – Day 1
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Coach – You are so right and I am your Mom. When my husband or children ask me what I want for Christmas I give the blank stare. In my case though it is because I do take time for me. My children are grown, my day job is 3 days per week and I have a wonderful husband who works hard around the house. This gives me the time to have “me time”. In fact I was featured on a billboard for walking my dog on the trail daily and taking “me time”. When it comes to “things” I want – I don’t. I either buy the sweater I was eyeing or I have learned not to fill my home or life with the things I don’t need. But for most women – they don’t take the time for themselves and always eat the chicken wings so their family can have the breasts and legs.
Jane Robinson – Art Epicurean invites you to read… Why you should create when the world is suffering
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 12th, 2012 at 5:59 pm
lol very vivid visuals Jane! That is amazing that you are able to stay on the opposite end of that spectrum!
A shining example of the results you can expect from understanding your own needs!
Bravo!
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Emotionally Draining Relationships – Why You Should Ditch Soul-Sucking Vampires
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I have to admit I’ve never thought about this in the way you’ve presented it, Coach.
I love the airliner analogy, which really clarifies the concept. Still, the implied message is to get your own mask own so you can get your butt busy helping everyone else get their masks on — at least, that’s how I understood it.
Our own dreams really do matter, don’t they? Not just to us, but to the people who care about us and hope to see us succeed. This weekend, when I had to ask my wife’s advice about something important only to me, I was pleasantly surprised at how happy she was to help me just for me.
Thanks for a helpful and inspiring post, Coach.
Jim Bessey | SoWriteUs invites you to read… How do you find time to write?
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 12th, 2012 at 6:10 pm
Isn’t it great when we have those “Ah-Ha” moments Jim? Glad I could be a part of yours.
Yes. You have the concept right. Take care of your self first and you can help 1000 times more than you could if you tried to help everyone else. Always thinking ” I will get to me later”. But later never comes.
And whats even worse is, why should you be left with the scraps? Why are we taught that it is wrong to want what we want? To leave every thing for everyone else and if there is enough AFTER then it’s ok for you to get what you want.
This is what we are hoping to change. You are valuable and the only way people are going to know it is if you MAKE them know it! Because you are worth it
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Baby Born Deaf Hears Mothers Voice For The First Time! Shocking Video
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This is a great message, thank you.
I just learned this from Randy Komisar: Deferred life is a bad debt. It’s truly great to follow your dreams:)
Tania Belkin invites you to read… Fall, Winter Warming Spiced Drinks
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 12th, 2012 at 6:13 pm
I love that quote Tania! Do you mind if I use it?
How are you applying this to Pro Organic Living? Is this in allignment with you passions? Your dreams? I would love to hear the story behind it. Sounds very interesting! Thank you for sharing.
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 11 Simple Ways To Eliminate Stress In Under 7 Minutes
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Good points, Coach.
I find that the busier you are, the more you need to make an effort to carve out specific time for what YOU need. It seems backward, but it’s true.
Because at the end of the day, you’re not much use to anyone else if you’re worn down and used up!
Gary Korisko invites you to read… Comment on A Broken Rose And A Serving Of Crow by Gary Korisko
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 12th, 2012 at 7:34 pm
EXACTLY! You have figured it out my friend! In a sense we can be viewed like automobiles: You can drive everyone all over town but if you dont eventually put fuel in your tank, you will soon be out of gas, out of energy, out of life, with nothing left to give.
How have you been making your “Gary” time throughout your busy day? Do you have a set routine?
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 23 Pictures That Say – Stop Complaining and Start Creating
[Reply]
Gary Korisko Reply:
November 12th, 2012 at 7:44 pm
No, coach…no set routine. It’s just not possible to schedule with my job. For instance, I was up at home in Omaha by 4am this morning, flew all day, had meetings, a dinner/meeting with an employee and arrived here at my hotel in New Orleans about 2 hours ago. That’s pretty normal for me actually. I’m not complaining…I LOVE what I do.
But with that kind of schedule, I don’t have a scheduled routine, really. However, I do try to squeeze in some ‘me’ time every day in between all that wherever it fits – be it some exercise, working on my blog, reading something that interests me,or doing stuff like reading and commenting on posts like this – or what have you. I suppose that in itself is a routine – making sure to carve out time here and there.
Like today I had a two hour layover during which I outlined some future content … and right now I’m enjoying some ‘me’ time doing this!
Gary Korisko invites you to read… Comment on A Broken Rose And A Serving Of Crow by Gary Korisko
[Reply]
Coach Comeback Reply:
November 12th, 2012 at 8:00 pm
HOLY SMOKES Gary! That is one heck of a day! And here I was thinking I was busy because I had two interviews scheduled today. =-) “Me Time” can be anything that you enjoy doing.
If this is your passion then your not-so-systematic system seems to be working! That is a lot for one day for anyone! You are doing amazing if you still squeezed in Gary time!
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Emotionally Draining Relationships – Why You Should Ditch Soul-Sucking Vampires
[Reply]
Hi CC,
Very inspiring post. I admit this is a cliche for me. Why? Because it seems so simple yet very hard to do. We cannot follow our dreams because in the first place, we do not know what we exactly want.
Sarah Park invites you to read… 10 Ways to Improve Your Life
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 12th, 2012 at 7:39 pm
Very cliche indeed Sarah.
There is a quote (not sure who is the originator) that says: “You don’t know what you don’t know”. Meaning, if you never have taken the time to give to yourself, when asked, you really wont know how to answer what your passion is.
Kind of like asking someone who has been blind since birth what it would be like to have sight. It is a tough journey to head down, but if you are successful Sarah, your life will be forever changed!
Probably best to start with “what do you like” questions and try to work backwards. It is a process that can be worked through with persistent, dedication and action. Definitely worth the trouble.
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Being Strong Is Your Only Option – Quote of the day
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Really inspiring and so true…
Actually I felt it on my own example, as soon as I managed to think about myself my days definitely became brighter.
Keep the same inspirational style CC!
Ani invites you to read… 5 Secret Weapons of Successful Public Speakers
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 13th, 2012 at 10:50 am
Thank you Ani. =-) So simple. Just not easy for most. Being selfish is oh so good! And good for you.
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Farnoosh Brock on Finding Your Passion – Exclusive Interview
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I’m digging it coach!
This particular line really resonated with me: ““What do I want”?”
I talk about that with a lot of people – Many are scared to death to ask this question. I think they fear asking it because first off they don’t know and second if they admit they don’t know then they might have to do something about it.
It is kind of tragic that it is easier to live a life blindly following nothing than it is following a life filled withe excitement and passion. Though the argument could be made that once we reach a certain point it does become easier to live a life filled with passion and excitement
.
Either which way – great post man. I enjoyed. it.
Izzy invites you to read… The Unexpected Answer to Deal With The Uncertainty, Doubts, And Fears of Pursuing A Dream
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 13th, 2012 at 11:08 am
It IS absolutely tragic that people THINK it is easier to live life blindly than it is to take the time to work for the life you desperately want.
But what do you risk by not putting in the work to discover your true passions? You risk your health – mental and physical. Your relationships, finances… you name it!
Things can only get better when you start on the past to self discovery. Thanks for stopping by Ninja.
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 30 Ways To Stop Self-Sabotaging Your Life
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You’re singing my tune here Coach! In fact some of these words are almost verbatim out of my new ebook on self-care about to be released! So many women (and some men) are just like your mom – rush, rush, rush to take care of everyone else, and then if it ever comes time for themselves they haven’t the slightest clue what they need. And worse, sometimes a person can get so depleted their immunity is lowered, they start getting sick, they have no energy to give anyone anymore, and they just feel even worse! The truth is we have to fill our own well if we want to give fully and gracefully to others. Yay for being selfish sometimes!
Sarah | Holistic Hot Sauce invites you to read… Relieve Depression And Increase Confidence With Neroli Oil
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 13th, 2012 at 11:12 am
Sarah, sounds like you are putting together an amazing book that I know I would HIGHLY recommend =-)
If the well runs dry you are of no use to anyone! I hope people are grasping that concept.
Dont wait for a sign to follow your dreams… CREATE THEM!
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Baby Born Deaf Hears Mothers Voice For The First Time! Shocking Video
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Hi CC,
it’s nice of you to put these complicated issues into simple words. I frequently forget to have some quality “me time”. Thanks for reminding me of the importance to be a bit selfish. I call it “healthy selfishness” which can save a person from breakdowns and return us back to life and reality.
Julia Reed invites you to read… Fraternity Hazing: Hair-Raising Facts All Freshmen Must Know
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 13th, 2012 at 11:17 am
Healthy Selfishness! I like it. Yeah I didn’t get into the obvious negative side of selfishness because enough has been said about that already. You can turn on any tv or go to any office break room and you are sure to hear someone complaining about how selfish they think someone else is.
But now “Healthy Selfishness”… now that is a term everyone can immediately identify with! Really puts it into perspective and puts forward the value.
I bet you make the people in your life happier AFTER you have taken some Julia time dont you?
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Anthony Robbins Personal Power II 30 Day Challenge – Day 1
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Very good article for those who always neglect themselves. That has never been my problem.
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 13th, 2012 at 11:22 am
Glad to hear that Coffy. I think we are all guilty of neglecting ourselves at some point or another.
It is not intentional. When we care about others it comes natural to want to put their needs before your own. Like the example of a mother and her children.
Yes, a mother would rather start and give her child the last piece of food for the day and that is almost always expected.
But how long can she do that? Eventually she will not be able to carry on and now that she is gone, so will be the child. So in the end, by not being selfish everyone loses.
I would love to know how you are able to make the right choices in situations like this ALL the time Coffy?
People are generally good at heart. Just need a little reminder that it’s ok to give to yourself too
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Wayne Dyer Wishes Fulfilled Review, Summary and Study Guide
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Great blog. Couldn’t agree more – it’s the number one factor in holding women (especially) back from achieving what they are so capable of – and so deserve. I am always having this exact same conversation with my clients. Thanks – great to see you sparking such a conversation too.
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 13th, 2012 at 11:30 am
Thanks Shirley. I am glad as well! That means people are absorbing how powerful and necessary this is in their lives.
What type of coaching do you do? How well received is the message with your clients? Do you find people naturally WANT to know more or that they resist the change?
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 23 Pictures That Say – Stop Complaining and Start Creating
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Shirley Billson Reply:
November 14th, 2012 at 2:05 am
Hi CC
I specialise in working with women stuck in a career rut and I help them get past the overwhelm first, so they can start to think more clearly about what they want – and then I help them start planning to get it. Someone who is stuck in ovewhelm can get caught in a spiral of negativity (fearing the worst, expecting the worst)and asking them to put themselves first at the outset only increases overwhelm. We get there (and quickly) – but I don’t ask them to jump in the deep end before they learn how to swim.
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 14th, 2012 at 9:57 am
yes, very true. Sounds like you have a very intriguing system outlined in a sure it’s there are cases when the sink or swim message may be applicable but it’s best slowly work them through the process to eliminate the frequency of drownings.
I imagine once you help them through that initial overwhelm it’s all smooth sailing from there. But you probably already knew that.
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Baby Born Deaf Hears Mothers Voice For The First Time! Shocking Video
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Hi CC!!!!
Great post.
Dreams and passion aren’t meant to make us feel bad. They’re meant to make us come alive.
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 13th, 2012 at 11:32 am
Hey AT!
Very well said. It is sadly easier said than done for most.
Can be as easy as making it a habit to ask “what do I want” over and over again in every situation.
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Set Boundaries In A Relationship – The Quick and Dirty Way
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To know your drream is success of life but it is very difficult to achieve them. Working for self make us responsible and professional. Have passions for others on the base of humanity for moral satisfaction.
Maja invites you to read… Massage at Hair Salons
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 13th, 2012 at 11:37 am
Maja. Who says knowing your dream has to be difficult? It only becomes difficult when we have not attached our goal to a compelling reason.
Have you ever been so determined, so focused, so sure of yourself about something that you abosolutely know without a doubt that you would succeed and would not stop until you did it? Then come to find out it seemed to come effortlessly to you?
That is joke the universe likes to play on us. When you know WHY you are doing something, the “hard work” almost seems non existent.
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Emotionally Draining Relationships – Why You Should Ditch Soul-Sucking Vampires
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Totally agree, it’s so important and not selfish to look after yourself first
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 14th, 2012 at 10:05 am
I wish more people understood that Ciara. I wish I wish I wish! that was the whole motivation behind this post. I’m on a mission to remove the word selfish from everyone’s vocabulary.
Taking care of yourself was not only NOT selfish, but absolutely necessary to lead a healthy and fulfilled life!
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Being Strong Is Your Only Option – Quote of the day
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That is joke the universe likes to play on us. When you know WHY you are doing something, the “hard work” almost seems non existent.
صور رمزيات invites you to read… هدية عيد الحب فى ازمة انابيب البوتجاز 2013
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 14th, 2012 at 10:06 am
That is an amazing quote. I don’t know the exact name, but I know the original author of that was brilliant!!!! lol
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Wayne Dyer Wishes Fulfilled Review, Summary and Study Guide
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Really interesting way of looking at things! I couldn’t agree more that it’s important to have interests and dreams and goals of one’s own that have a place of priority.
Reading through the comments I was also particularly interested in how this often seems to be differentiated on gender lines. Why does it still happen this way? (Not always, of course – my Dad is one example of a dude who always put himself last – but often)
I wonder if it’s also something that changes over generations? My grandmother would rather chew sand than spend money on herself, but I have no problem taking an evening or a weekend and doing exactly as I please.
Great food for thought, CC – thanks!
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 14th, 2012 at 10:14 am
I agree Megan. This is something that I would love to discuss in more detail. I think I will open up and explore this topic in more detail on my podcast because it is very interesting.
I know one contributing factor is society. I mean, just look around. We praise people who are selfless, who give up their entire lives in order to make someone else’s better and the media will pretty much castrate any public figure who spends a penny on themselves. It is a catch 22, to say the least.
It’s like the only way you can enjoy having an amazing life as if someone handed it to you out of charity, or you work your butt off for so long, and suffered for so long that you get everyone sympathetic for your struggle first.
It’s like you have to earn the right to be selfish by suffering first! Crazy I tell you, just crazy
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Emotionally Draining Relationships – Why You Should Ditch Soul-Sucking Vampires
[Reply]
Ruth Reply:
November 18th, 2012 at 3:40 am
I do not think it is really differentiated on gender lines – but men kind of “hide” this tendency better, that’s all.
If you look a the Enneagram map – Coach perfectly described both types 2 and 9. Type 2 is unaware of his/her own needs, busy fulfilling the other’s in vain attempt to be loved. Type 9 is unaware of him/herself, wants and needs included, adopting other’s needs and wants in vain attempt to be connected and part of.
Have been there myself – and my way of developing “out” of it was not to stop helping others, but simply to start charging for it, and by doing so stating (mainly to myself) that I am good at what I am doing, and that I am deserving.
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 18th, 2012 at 7:42 am
Ruth I agree with you. Both males and females have this same challenge. I know I still fall into this trap myself. It is going to happen. With the awareness of it you are more likely to know when you are doing it and hopefully catch yourself in the act.
I like your strategy. Charge for your help. That is definitely one way to put yourself first. If you are providing great value people will line up to pay you and be glad they did. Good job Ruth on making that personal discovery
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 001: Finding Your Passion And Purpose After A Major Setback With Farnoosh Brock Of Prolific Living
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Useful and same time precious thoughts. I liked the comparison with the plane and putting your mask first or take care of childrens.I will follow my dream..
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 14th, 2012 at 10:17 am
I hope that you do. Steve, you absolutely must!
There is a quote that says “you cannot give away that which you do not possess yourself”, so if you want to give someone else’s life more meaning, you must first add meaning to your own life. If you want to show someone love you must first love yourself. If parents want to teach their children to have passion and, not to sound cliché, but to follow your dreams, then the best way they can teach that is by following their own.
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 23 Pictures That Say – Stop Complaining and Start Creating
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Following your dream is a good idea as long as you take a realistic approach and weigh up the effects it may have on people around you.
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Sounds like we haven’t done enough to convert you yet, eh Oliver? LOL
I think that is the trap. Most people fall into. Yes, there has to be a healthy balance. But when you let the ideas of everyone else around you be the deciding factor, you’ll always find a mixed use to put your passions on hold.
It is that age old dilemma: Is it more important to make people happy, or to BE happy???
I know my vote!
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Baby Born Deaf Hears Mothers Voice For The First Time! Shocking Video
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Wonderful post. Me time is indeed very important. You’ll never be able to give people the treatment and love they deserve if you don’t treat yourself right first. You’ll start thinking, “I’m doing everything for you but why isn’t it enough?” The answer lies in how you treat yourself.
Jorge Blanco invites you to read… Unplugging from Technology: Why Try and Tips
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 15th, 2012 at 2:51 pm
exactly! Glad to know you’re on the same page, Jorge!
Your time is all you have! Protect it like you would your own child
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 23 Pictures That Say – Stop Complaining and Start Creating
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Hope all is well… great article… a kind reminder to those of us who are always doing for others. Look forward to reading more of your articles!
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 15th, 2012 at 4:00 pm
Thank you Crystal! I had a blast sharing with Stacy’s loyal readers. It was an absolute honor and I would be thrilled to come back and do it again. So keep an eye out for Coach Comeback! =D
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 23 Pictures That Say – Stop Complaining and Start Creating
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Great post, James. I’m an introvert and I can feel my energy draining away if I don’t get regular time to just be with myself. I’m generally good with slotting at least a small amount of time for myself in a routine day. But when there’s a lot on my plate I notice that is one of the first things to go.
Dave invites you to read… noticing notes: point of contact
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 19th, 2012 at 6:55 am
you must protect that time Dave! . Make it a habit. Make it something you refused to skip like brushing your teeth or having dinner ( actually, entrepreneurs and hard workers are prone to skipping meals in order to get work done, so forget that one)
Time for yourself is just as important as the air you breathe and should be treated as such. Start small. Something like, just 5 min. a day. Make it at the same time every day and make sure everyone around you knows it. Then gradually in crease it until you fill it is at a comparable level. Your own sanity is counting on you Dave!
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 001: Finding Your Passion And Purpose After A Major Setback With Farnoosh Brock Of Prolific Living
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Coach Comeback, I love this! I didn’t know what to expect when I started reading this so it was a pleasant twist. And yes, you do need to be selfish because that is the only you can “do you.” I left my job in 2008 to pursue my passion of writing. Do you believe that it’s almost 5 years later and I finally got it! It’s a blessing. I have discovered other joys during that time – blogging, speaking, roller skating, and uncovering black history. It’s great!
Thanks for this post. I really enjoyed it!
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 19th, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Glad you stuck with the post Marcie
and that you kept after your passions. Most go through their whole life playing it “safe” and never taking a big risk like that. But that is life’s joke again: I fear boredom more than failure. Playing it safe leads to an unfulfilled life with regrets.
Glad you enjoyed the post Marcie
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 001: Finding Your Passion And Purpose After A Major Setback With Farnoosh Brock Of Prolific Living
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Hey Coach
Thanks for such an inspirational share.. I really needed it at this time. I hate two kinds of people the most- selfish and diplomatic and sadly the world is full of such people..Wish people could learn.
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 19th, 2012 at 7:59 pm
Keeping sending those people over to Stacy’s blog and you are sure to help rid the world of some of that negativity Richa. You cant be a subscriber here and still have a bad attitude! Impossible I tells ya… IMPOSSIBLE!
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 001: Finding Your Passion And Purpose After A Major Setback With Farnoosh Brock Of Prolific Living
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It takes a lot of courage to take the first step and that is where most of us just hold back but there always is a time in life when you have to let go of your fears and take the first step towards your dreams. Great post.
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 20th, 2012 at 1:49 pm
The cool thing is, after we take that first step, we realize “hey, this aint so bad” then the momentum keeps us going and before you know it, we are finally feeling fulfilled and full of passion! Thank you Fatima.
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 001: Finding Your Passion And Purpose After A Major Setback With Farnoosh Brock Of Prolific Living
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There’s a difference between being absorbingly selfish and selfish for the right reasons I feel, CC
i.e. in the potential plane crash, you could put on your mask and be totally selfish and go jump to rescue yourself – that’s kinda wrong on so many levels
Providing people understand it’s cool to be selfish when it’s mixed with healthy lashings of love, transparency, sharing and kindness then I think we all would live in a better place.
Martin Cooney invites you to read… How To Best Set Relationship Goals and Get More
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 20th, 2012 at 1:52 pm
Martin you gave me a visual of a movie we just watched recently where the the plane malfunctioned on the ground and the masks popped out. One of the passengers was in a panic grabbing about 6 or so masks trampling over people to save himself.
Yes, THIS type of selfishness is not what I am referring to. lol
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 23 Pictures That Say – Stop Complaining and Start Creating
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I learned to see innocence in people from a number of lectures by Sydney Banks – and I find it to be so true in life – we all do what we think is right and good but what seems right and good to one person may not to another – take your examples of selflessness and selfishness, for instance… Thanks James!
Lori Carpenos invites you to read… How to keep up with technology and not lose your mind in the process…
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 23rd, 2012 at 6:18 am
Thanks Lori. We are always doing the best we can with the knowledge we have at the time. It will always be seen different from someone else’s point of view. That is why you can only do what YOU feel is best. Not anyone else. Thank you for reading.
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Anthony Robbins Personal Power II 30 Day Challenge – Day 1
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I think you’d really like this book, “So Good They Can’t Ignore You”. I also believe the advice to follow your dreams is useless, although for slightly different reasons.
Being selfish is fantastic advice. I think if more people were more effectively selfish, the world would be such a better place – you really nailed it in the head; you’ve gotta help yourself before you help others (and I think the most selfish people are also the most generous, because generosity feels quiet good).
But the examples your provide (picking the movie, etc…) don’t seem like selfishness to me. That’s just… having character?
Amit Amin invites you to read… Money Secret #1: Buy Many Small Pleasures
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 23rd, 2012 at 6:44 am
Thanks for the insights and recommendation Amit. I will check it out.
“Effectively Selfish”. Another great term! Being selfish IS a part of being generous. Those same people who put everyone first usually have not learned how to receive either.
These are the people that when you offer them a gift, or a favor, or to do something for them for once, they refuse. You know who you are. You never give to yourself AND you wont let others give to you!
It is a vicious cycle that needs to be broken.
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 001: Finding Your Passion And Purpose After A Major Setback With Farnoosh Brock Of Prolific Living
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I was too busy to notice or even realize that I was not taking care of me.
But our bodies have a way of letting us know that enough is enough.
I was turning into an intolerant grumpy old woman, it was time to take action.
I now have me time each day where I write, meditate and go for a daily walk.
I refer to these activities as my daily anchors which keep me grounded.
Feeling anchored through self love has made me kinder, empathetic with more love to share.
Priska invites you to read… Blogging Boomers are Blooming.
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 23rd, 2012 at 6:47 am
Priska! THAT IS AN AMAZING STORY! Really captures the value of putting your own mask on first or you wont be anything left to save any others.
Meditation, walks and writing…. we have the same daily anchors =D
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Baby Born Deaf Hears Mothers Voice For The First Time! Shocking Video
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This is an inspiring article, it boosts my confidence and morale. Dreams may seem slowing down, but it doesn’t mean that there will be no way out anymore. I love the most that thinking of yourself without the feeling of guilt. Great inspiring post!
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 23rd, 2012 at 6:51 am
Absolutely Elaine! NEVER and I mean NEVER feel guilty for thinking of yourself! You MUST! You are just like your car: if you just let it sit and never gave it checkups and regular maintainance and gas and oil… pretty soon it turns into a useless hunk of metal.
But if you treat it well, it will take care of you for years and years as well as many others.
Being selfish is necessary for your own well being. Love it. Cherish it!
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 23 Pictures That Say – Stop Complaining and Start Creating
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Hello… I only wish I had found your site sooner. I would have saved myself lots of time and money. The false advertising makes me boil! I can’t believe you offer this service for free. It is really really appreciated.
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Coach Comeback Reply:
November 23rd, 2012 at 6:53 am
uuuummmmmmmmm Th…annnk You????? Not sure what you are referring to … but glad you are no longer boiling.
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 30 Ways To Stop Self-Sabotaging Your Life
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I like your idea of a “silo document”. What a great way to organize where we’ve used what keywords, etc. Usually I have a checklist that I go by, but not anymore, Thanks to you!
Santosh invites you to read… Most Loved Destinations Around The World During Christmas
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Pretty sure this can be deleted Stacy! I have no idea what Santosh is talking about lol
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Set Boundaries In A Relationship – The Quick and Dirty Way
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I have to admit I’ve ne’er thought of this within the method you’ve conferred it, Coach.
I love the aeroplane analogy, that extremely clarifies the conception. Still, the inexplicit message is to induce your own mask own thus you’ll be able to get your butt busy serving to everybody else get their masks on — a minimum of, that’s however I understood it.
Our own dreams extremely do matter, don’t they? Not simply to U.S., however to the folks that care concerning U.S. and hope to ascertain U.S. succeed. This weekend, after I had to raise my wife’s recommendation concerning one thing vital solely to ME, i used to be pleasantly stunned at however happy she was to assist ME only for ME.
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Coach Comeback Reply:
December 10th, 2012 at 11:45 am
Sounds like you had a breakthrough moment SHahzaib. Glad to be a part of it. Thank you for being a reader of Grow With Stacy
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Nice post coach,
What you said that are facts,Selfish person are incapable of loving others, but they are not capable of loving themselves either.I really realize by your post through this sentence”When you put others first, you are saying they are more valuable than you. You will soon realize you are living entirely for someone else.”Thanks for this realizing post.
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Coach Comeback Reply:
December 10th, 2012 at 11:48 am
You are welcome Facet! Will you come back and share how this has inspired you in your everyday life? It can be applied to so many things. So simple, yet so powerful.
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Farnoosh Brock on Finding Your Passion – Exclusive Interview
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I love this post! I had to laugh at the Airplane mask comment. We were watching a program in which they ran through the proper procedures, and when they got to the “put your mask on first” part, my wife had this odd look on her face and turned to me and said “why would I do that? I need to put in on the kids or you”! It IS the first thing people thing, or at least women and or mothers. They never think of themselves first and how can THEY (whoever you may be) take care of anyone if you don’t take care of yourself?
Again, love this post! It is so important no matter who you are, husband, wife, mother, father…to take care of you first, because you are no good to anyone if you aren’t the best you can be.
Ron invites you to read… Living Gluten Free PLR with Private Label Rights
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Coach Comeback Reply:
December 16th, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Glad you enjoyed it Ron. It gives you a funny feeling when you actually see this happening live doesn’t it? We all do it!
The goal is to help people become aware that they are doing it. It is more than just ok to put yourself first.
It is necessary! I am glad you “get it”. =-) Lets spread the word so others can too.
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Mental toughness and fitness: How are they related to each other?
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For what it’s worth I find the pieces of advice in this post more useful than random unsolicited advice from people I know. You’re right, being selfish isn’t a bad thing. We all need time to ourselves once in a while.
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Coach Comeback Reply:
December 10th, 2012 at 11:52 am
Hi Stacey. Sometimes the advice from our loved ones CAN be valid. But we are usually taking it in from a judgmental and biased view. Especially when it is unsolicited. No one likes to be given advice when you don’t believe you need it. Just comes off wrong. When the student is ready the teacher will appear. All in due time.
We all need time to ourselves… ALL THE TIME! It is vital! Even more now around the holidays. It can get overwhelming fast if you let it. Thanks Stacey
Coach Comeback invites you to read… 23 Pictures That Say – Stop Complaining and Start Creating
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Nice post, you definitely have a way with words. I love how you compared a mother’s selflessness with the oxygen masks on the plane. You’re wife’s an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Sandra invites you to read… Using the Windows 8 Firewall
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Coach Comeback Reply:
December 10th, 2012 at 11:54 am
Thank you Sandra! She is quite the remarkable person! Amazing how my world changes simply by her entering a room I am in! Thanks for the reminder <3
Coach Comeback invites you to read… Baby Born Deaf Hears Mothers Voice For The First Time! Shocking Video
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