This is a guest post by Mariana Ashley.
The people that we surround ourselves with play a huge role in how we feel throughout the day. When was the last time you had to deal with a negative or difficult person? How did you manage it? Can you remember how it affected the rest of your day? Was there something you could have done to get through the situation more smoothly? We are always going to encounter difficult people in our lives. Sometimes these difficult people will be our colleagues, our boss, our friends, our significant other, or just someone we have to deal with in on the streets. Regardless of who it is, there are several strategies for better coping with difficult and endlessly negative individuals.
Keep Conversations Neutral
The first step to better managing difficult relationships in your life is recognizing that they are difficult and identifying what about that interaction brings on negativity. Pay attention to your interactions with that person and try to pinpoint what topics and situations bring out the negative or difficult aspects of that relationship. If you’re dealing with this person on a purely professional level (meaning they are not a friend or significant other), it is a good method to just try to avoid points of conversation that bring on negativity. Keep your conversations neutral, so as to minimize any negative interactions that might occur. Of course, this method cannot work for individuals that you are dealing with at a more personal level.
Accept them and Move On
It is essential to understand that you will never be able to change the difficult person that you are dealing with. You should try to recognize what aspects of the situation are actually within your control and what aspects are not. Trying to change things that you have no control over is futile and exhausting. If you are trying to change something about the difficult person that you have to deal with, it will likely only create more struggle and conflict within your relationship. You must recognize that by attempting to change that person, you are becoming a more difficult person for them to deal with. Try to accept this person and their flaws and move on to a more productive relationship.
Try to See the Best in People
Dwelling on the negative aspects of a relationship is a surefire way to create a more negative mood for yourself. Rather than pointing out and focusing on all of the negative and difficult aspects of an individual, look for the positive aspects they possess. Everyone has them, regardless of how badly you don’t want to believe it. Developing a habit of positivity and optimism is a wonderful thing to do for yourself in all aspects of life. Try to reframe your perception of the person that you are struggling with. Recognize that individual’s positive traits and acknowledge them. This will make that other person feel more appreciated in your relationship and feel more positivity coming from you. Moreover, this positive reframing should make you enjoy your time with that person more.
Mariana Ashley is a freelance writer who particularly enjoys writing about online colleges. She loves receiving reader feedback, which can be directed to mariana.ashley031@gmail.com.
It’s important to be able to let go of the idea that you owe everyone a solution. With some people you just have to let them go.
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Mariana Ashley Reply:
March 28th, 2012 at 6:17 am
That’s a great point Candice. While solutions are obviously ideal, sometimes they cannot be reasonably found. Thanks for reading!
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I hate negativity! Have to put it out there! You can get so much farther, if positivity is the main thing thought about.
We will always encounter these people, just like you said in your writing. Couldn’t agree more!
Just try to accept how they sometimes will act, and not let their attitude protrude on who you are yourself.
Great article!
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Mariana Ashley Reply:
March 28th, 2012 at 6:18 am
Thanks for reading Samuel. Negativity is extremely difficult. Part of maturing is learning to deal with it. Thanks again!
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Mariana, what I do usually is just detach from the situation. I keep my hands down and stand straight. I let the other party know that I do not accept the game. We tend to give meaning to any events according to our beliefs and culture. If someone is yelling at you, for example, it has nothing to do with you. You are right, we cannot change others. May be we can influence them by changing ourselves. What happens has nothing to do with what we think happens.
Thanks. Great post.
Margarita
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Mariana Ashley Reply:
March 28th, 2012 at 6:20 am
Hi Margarita! Thanks so much for reading. I definitely agree about trying to influence people through the way in which we react to them. As you say, you don’t want to give into your game. You should act the way you wish they would act. Thanks again!
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“…play a huge role in how we feel throughout the day.” Isn’t that the truth! Like you said, it could be someone that you just passed on the street, or had a casual encounter with.
This was the case last week when my wife and I went to pick up some food at a Chipotle that just opened up close by to our house. The three employees we encountered were extremely nice – much nicer than one would expect from a restaurant worker – so we left there feeling very good.
It is amazing how something small like a casual encounter can really brighten one’s mood!
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Mariana Ashley Reply:
March 28th, 2012 at 6:21 am
Thanks so much for reading Marshall! I love your example. Something that seems so meaningless can really have the power to brighten your day and make you more productive in other areas of your life.
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Good post. I learn something new and challenging
on websites I stumbleupon every day. It’s always interesting to read through articles from other writers and practice something from their sites.
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Thanks for writing this post. I enjoyed it. My mom is an extremely difficult person, so I find it better to NOT talk to her at all.
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Mariana Ashley Reply:
March 28th, 2012 at 6:21 am
Hi Kevin. Thanks for reading!
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I’ve encountered/interacted with difficult people in my past job and it can be emotionally-draining. But I learned that yes keeping conversations neutral and avoid polarizing topics can save you some arguments.
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Mariana Ashley Reply:
March 28th, 2012 at 6:22 am
I absolutely agree Leanne. Thanks for reading!
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Hello
One of the best things that help me deal with difficult people is trying to remember that how I am perceiving and responding to them is all about me, no matter what they are saying or doing. I try to analyze why they are triggering negative emotions in me and how to best go about minimizing that. Also, whenever possible, I make it a point to avoid interacting with people who cause me strife. That may mean making uncomfortable choices and finding the courage to say no to things many feel they must do out of a sense of obligation, but I am pretty firm on that.
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Mariana Ashley Reply:
March 28th, 2012 at 6:24 am
These are some very very wise point Kelli. You are the only person who can control how you feel and respond. This is a lesson it takes age and maturation to understand. Thanks for reading!
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Mariana Ashley Reply:
March 28th, 2012 at 6:25 am
It’s not about winning or losing. I’m just interested in staying positive and trying to help others around me stay positive. I think that the idea of winning or losing in a thing like this is more harmful than helpful. Thank you so much for reading and responding!
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There are some people who would think of turning these negatives into something positive, but that actually takes a lot more work than they think. I agree that it’s hard trying to eliminate the negativity. The solution that I see here is that you should be open to them. Even if they’re negative about things, you have to deal with them and just be as open as you are. Communicate with them. After all, that’s the key to making relationships last.
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Mariana Ashley Reply:
March 28th, 2012 at 6:27 am
Thanks for reading Gerald! I definitely agree that communication is key. Of course each individual situation requires a specialized approach. In some cases clear and steady communication is the answer and in other cases this may not work. I always try to start with a clear and straight forward line of communication. Thanks again!
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i agree, the best thing is to accept their personality and we cannot change it. thanks so much for sharing.
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Mariana Ashley Reply:
March 28th, 2012 at 6:27 am
Thanks for reading!
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This is so true, these tips would work whether the person is an acquaintance, a relative, or even a customer. The biggest trick is not letting them suck you down with them.
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Mariana Ashley Reply:
March 28th, 2012 at 6:28 am
Thanks for responding again Samuel!
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Mariana how about if the person involved is one of your family? How can we deal about it?Is their any options aside from accepting and understand them?
Rex Lewis
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Mariana Ashley Reply:
March 28th, 2012 at 6:31 am
Hi Rex, I think no matter what, you’re going to have to try to accept and understand them. Of course, when the person is a member of your family or someone very dear, this situation becomes even more challenging. But it is definitely true, you will never be able to change someone into who you want them to be. Like a comment earlier said, communication is really important. Talk to the person. Explain how you perceive the things they are doing and explain why they make things difficult for you. You want to be open without being accusatory. Thanks for reading!
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Rex Lewis Reply:
April 9th, 2012 at 11:40 am
Yes I can see now the importance.No.1 is communication,listening attentively and understanding.
Rex Lewis
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I really ignored such a person and it’s really give bad impact on my personality but you really write great way too deal negative thought persons.
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[...] Tips for Dealing with Difficult People « Grow With Stacy [...]
Difficult people can be irritating at times. We need to bear in mind that you need to balance yourself to how they gonna be reacted with something. Just listen to her/him inorder to understand the mood of such person.
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I love that last one and use it regularly. Whenever I have to deal with someone who I’m not happy with, I think of three things about them that I like. This practice improved my relationship with a manager in my office – I would remind myself that she has great style, she lovers her kids, and she’s a hard worker. I would do that daily and eventually I stopped dreading our interactions, which helped improve our working relationship.
Thanks for these tips; it’s a great reminder that not every interaction has to be a bad one.
Kimberly
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Hi Kimberly,
That’s a great tip, thank you for sharing! I think that I’m going to have to try that!
Stacy
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Thanks for sharing all of the great tips with us, I am certainly one of those who are dealing with difficult person…
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Agreed. The one thing I’d add to this is knowing when to walk away. A lot of difficult people cause grief intentionally as a method of getting their own way, and there comes a point when you need to simply abandon discourse with such people.
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This is really a good article many people should read, we all know that it is not easy to manage difficult people, all we have to do is go with the flow and trying to follow what they order, I mean be humble or polite.
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