This is a guest post by Steve Rice from Karmic Kappuccino.
The Teacher
She was sharply dressed with fine features and kind eyes. Her voice was soft and encouraging.
“Did you write this?” she asked, gesturing to the pages on the desk in front of her.
“Yes,” I responded.
“All of it?” There was the glint of fire behind the kindness in her eyes.
I nodded.
“You’re a communicator,” she said.
This was the first time anyone had so clearly recognized and observed latent talent in me and pointed it out to me.
(An excerpt from An Imperceptible Spark: Finding the Courage to Live a Life of Joy)
The Greatest Lesson
From that interaction with a business counselor at my local university, I learned the greatest lesson in personal development that I have ever learned.
This lesson is so simple and practical that it has transformed my life in every way.
If someone else’s opinion of you that is greater than your own,
adopt it until your belief exceeds theirs.
We’re all slaves to the insecurities, doubts and fears that attack us and paralyze us. This lesson has helped me to replace the “noise” of the call of those demons.
Application in the Real World
We each choose how to filter the voices that cloud our minds and hearts each day.
You decide the voices to which you will pay attention. You decide how heavily to weigh the truth of what they say. Ultimately, you decide the meaning of each message.
KEY 1: Feelings Follow Focus
Your emotions are generated from the situations to which you assign your focus, and your experience of your life will follow where you have put your focus.
Focus on the drama of any situation and you will likely feel overwhelmed. Consequently, chaos will fill your life.
Focus on the actual event (what actually happened, versus all the peripheral exaggeration and panic) and you will be able to think more clearly and will feel more powerful in the middle of the chaos.
Key 2: What Does It All Mean?
None of us can control what happens in life. The flow of circumstances is the flow of life.
All of us, however, can control our perspective of those situations that occur. We are the masters of our circumstances.
Man is not the creature of outside circumstances;
he is the creator of them. – James Allen
This is power. We create the truth of our circumstances and by so doing, reform and reframe them.
Key 3: What Does It Mean…to You?
This is the ultimate key. You decide what your circumstances mean…to you.
Everyone else around you may be having panic attacks, nervous breakdowns and public meltdowns. How can you retain your composure when hysteria fills the world you observe?
Recognizing that you have absolutely no responsibility to engage in another person’s drama—none—is powerful !
It is okay to observe another’s experience. It is okay to sympathize with the suffering that they have engaged in response to those experiences. You have no responsibility, though, to empathize (take on) with their pain and suffering.
Really, it is selfish to do so. When you engage in and take responsibility for another’s pain and circumstances, you have lowered yourself into the mire of the pigpen with them.
This is useless to yourself and to the one you would help. You are close enough to wallow in it, but not far enough to pull them from it. When you retain responsibility for your own feelings and circumstances, you stand at the edge of the pigpen.
This does not mean that you do not see or refuse to recognize the mess another person is in. Instead, it means that you stand in a strong enough position to extend to them a hand to pull them out of the mire, and if they will not (or cannot yet) reach for help; you stand as an example of what is possible for them.
The Crux of the Matter
When it comes down to it…YOU DECIDE!
If you feel like you are sliding and don’t know how to regain your footing, look around.
Find one person who is standing firm and adopt their opinions and beliefs. As yours grow stronger and as you gain your footing, you will find that you are able to move forward one step at a time.
Before you know it, you will look back and realize you’ve been striding down the path of success all along by taking the next step you could see.
Image: graur codrin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
I am a speaker, writer and small business owner. I have worked in the healthcare field, building a staffing business and a massage business. My most recent endeavor is SR Communications which is launching my first book, An Imperceptible Spark: Finding the Courage to Live a Life of Joy in Spring, 2011.
Thanks, Stacy for letting me fill in today!
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… Are You Out On The (L)Edge?
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Stacy Reply:
August 28th, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Thank you, Steve, for another great guest post! You are welcome here anytime!
Stacy
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This is a powerful post that sparked a few emotions and triggered a few memories. I remember when my 10th grade English teacher told me I’d never be a writer. I thought about dedicating my fifth book to her, but decided against it. There are so many good points in here that adults, of course, but teenagers too need to know. When we start believing the negative comments from others, it can have a huge effect on our lives.
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 22nd, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Wow…what an unfortunate thing for a teacher to say, Lisa. I’m so glad that you persevered and did it anyway!
I had a 5th grade teacher that encouraged us (by way of assignments) to write creative stories. One semester was “fanciful fiction” (ie inanimate object that came to life, etc) and the next was a mystery.
I remember that like it was yesterday…tho’ it’s been 20+ years. She made learning SO much fun for those projects. I did thank her in my first book. We never know the power of our words in another’s life, do we?
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… That One Lesson…
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Wow – I love that lesson. Thank you for sharing the story!
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 22nd, 2011 at 2:46 pm
Thanks, Anthony. It was a profound one for me. I am always on the lookout for people who have greater faith in me than I have in myself and “leaning” on their opinion. Amazing how that works.
(BTW…looking forward to trying your bailey’s cake. May make it for labor day at J’s family’s)
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… Are You Out On The (L)Edge?
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This is such a powerful post. Most people will go through their entire lives believing they are not capable of achieving greatness. As you point out, one person’s belief in you can change your whole perspective and ultimately your LIFE! I was lucky to have grandparents and parents who always encouraged me and I think that is the reason for any success I have had. Their faith in my translated into my own thoughts. It’s a beautiful thing . . . .
Martha Giffen invites you to read… Learning Online Marketing While Sitting On A Piano Bench
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 22nd, 2011 at 4:19 pm
that is a great gift they gave you, Martha! It is a wonderful thing to have that support from an early age. I had the support of my parents and grandparents, but still had some “junk” that seeped into my brain.
Learning this simple practice really helped me to change out the old for the new, though.
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… Are You Out On The (L)Edge?
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What a great post! Thanks for sharing these great lessons. My new favorite nugget of wisdom will be: “If someone else’s opinion of you that is greater than your own,
adopt it until your belief exceeds theirs.” If someone had told me that when I was a teenager, my life would have turned out much different.
I live by the saying: You can’t control what happens, but you can control how you react to it.” Attitude is everything.
Thanks again!
Pam Maynard invites you to read… Be an Angel Day
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 22nd, 2011 at 7:52 pm
I love your maxim, Pam! That’s a great one to live by. It is really true that how we choose to react to the circumstances in life largely determine our outcomes.
I’m glad that this lesson is helpful to you.
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… Espresso Shot Quote: George W. Bush
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Hi Steve,
Awesome, awesome insight here.
We should believe in the highest opinion of ourselves. Sometimes this opinion comes from someone else. If so, believe the other person over your own doubts. The Universe works through others during times we doubt, these Guardian Dream Angels who give us a boost when we feel like losing hope.
Thanks again for sharing with us!
RB
Ryan Biddulph invites you to read… How to Send an Impressive Facebook Friend Request
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 22nd, 2011 at 6:51 pm
That’s a great point, Ryan. We sometimes forget (or are unaware) that the force and source of life is working toward greater and greater well-being.
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… Espresso Shot Quote: Albert Camus
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“If someone else’s opinion of you that is greater than your own, adopt it until your belief exceeds theirs.” – I love this quote! We have to be strong and stand up for ourselves. Sure, negativity brings us down but as a human being who has God-given talents and a natural intelligence to think things over, doubt will become deliverance.
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 23rd, 2011 at 8:42 pm
Thanks for stopping in, Jill. I’m glad that this advice really resonated with you.
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… What’s Holding You Back?
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Hey Steve,
It’s so true that what we focus on is what we get.
What we experience in life is unique to us only. 2 people could ride on a roller coaster, one could have an fun experience while the other is horrified.m
Justin@Mazzastick invites you to read… The Importance Of Breathing Exercises
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 23rd, 2011 at 10:05 am
that’s a really great analogy, Justin. It is true that our experience of our circumstances is largely created by what’s going on in our heads. It’s a power we don’t often recognize.
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… What’s Holding You Back?
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indeed life is learning ,people may come and go, but memories remains,no matter how many times we fail,but more important is how we stand,because what maybe our decisions,we must understand that time wont turn back again…
Vincent Polanski invites you to read… Jouer au poker et gagner de l’argent sur internet
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 23rd, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Great point, Vincent! Glad you stopped by to comment. Thanks.
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… What’s Holding You Back?
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Truly appreciate this post. Learning to accept and handle circumstances can save us from turning ourselves miserable with all the panic and drama. I mean we can do better than acting helpless, like finding solutions.
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 23rd, 2011 at 10:06 am
That’s a great point, Christy and I’m glad you brought it up. Releasing resistance to our circumstances allows them to flow more easily through our experience…and like you said, it’s more productive to focus on solutions to any adverse circumstance than to wallow in the drama.
Thanks for the insight.
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… What’s Holding You Back?
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Christy Reply:
August 24th, 2011 at 1:39 am
No problem. I love posts like this, something that’s more real and informative/useful. A lot will benefit on reading this.
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This post if full of lesson and personality building.It is the way in which we touch the peak of our career.
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Love this advice. It’s so true, you decide.
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 23rd, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Thanks, Carrie. It is simple, but sometimes a big challenge.
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… What’s Holding You Back?
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One lesson that I will never ever forget is to learn from my own mistakes and never repeat the same mistakes again. My life has change the way I wanted it to be and I like it.
Ron@How to Reduce Man Boobs Through Daily Habit invites you to read… How to Reduce Man Boobs Through Daily Habit
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 25th, 2011 at 6:16 pm
That is wonderful, Ron. I am so glad that you have discovered the secret of crafting the life that you want to live. Cheers!
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… “You Always Know What To Do”
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Wow Steve,
This is fantastic. We talk to much about not letting others bring us down, but it’s so valuable to also look at how others can bring us up when they recognize the potential in us that we can’t see in that moment.
Thank you for this powerful insight!
Hugs,
Melody
Melody | DeliberateReceiving invites you to read… Is There A “Rebound” Effect With the Law of Attraction?
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 24th, 2011 at 10:43 am
That’s a good point, Melody. We focus on those who would bring us down. It is a good technique to turn negative tendencies into positive ones. It is smart to leverage powerful people in our lives. I guess that’s the concept of the mastermind group.
Thanks for your comment.
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… Espresso Shot Quote: Sir Winston Churchill
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Steve, you were very blessed to have one great teacher to inspire you. We should all be so lucky! But for those of us who aren’t, you make the point that we can just decide to be great. I can choose to “act as if” I did have a teacher who told me I was wonderful, right?
Carroll Monnet invites you to read… Acne Treatments: A Look at Home Remedies
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 25th, 2011 at 6:17 pm
It is definitely more difficult when we don’t have the teachers around us, Carroll. But you are right. We can always “act as if.” that is a great point.
What I have found is that when I begin to “act as if,” then the teachers appear everywhere around me.
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… “You Always Know What To Do”
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Hi, Steve,
I like the way you wrote this post. We all need teachers in our life and someone to look up to. After all, nobody is super human to come to a solution on his own. When we need support, we should really find someone who stands firmly on the ground and listen to the advice. There is no better school than the one that comes from experience.
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 24th, 2011 at 4:01 pm
That’s a great point, Kristina. Good advisers are really important to find. They can lead us to greatness by helping to recognize something in us that we can’t recognize in ourselves.
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… Espresso Shot Quote: Sir Winston Churchill
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Steve – So great that you have this early memory of discovering something you were good at – or of having someone *else* discover it, to be more accurate! It took me a little longer to figure out what I wanted to do in life, but now that I have I intend to run with it as far as I can go!
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 25th, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Kayla,
That’s a wonderful decision. I’m so glad that you have found what you love to do. You are in a small percentage of people who live well. Congratulations!
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… “You Always Know What To Do”
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Hi there,
Steve, I really appreciate this post it’s very informative and this keys are very useful in real life situation. I remember my old times while reading your post. Awesome!
Vernon invites you to read… Aviator
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 25th, 2011 at 6:19 pm
So glad it was an inspiration to remember, Vernon. Thanks for your comment.
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… “You Always Know What To Do”
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Its sad but when I think back to school days I dont honestly think I had one good teacher the whole time I was there!
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 25th, 2011 at 6:20 pm
James,
That is a really sad situation. I was fortunate to have good teachers in school (and out, as I shared above). I mentioned this in response to someone else’s comment earlier, but I find that now, when I pay attention, the teachers are everywhere around me if I will take note.
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… “You Always Know What To Do”
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Hi Steve,
I agree with how you iterated focus and how you explained it so clearly and defining the consequences of such focus. Thanks.
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Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino Reply:
August 25th, 2011 at 6:21 pm
Thanks so much, Felicia. I appreciate you stopping to take the time to read my post and respond.
Steve @ Karmic Kappuccino invites you to read… “You Always Know What To Do”
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Hi there. Thanks for sharing this. It’s very interesting and motivating story!
Andrew Walker invites you to read… Foot Petals Coupon
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Steve – inspirational guest post here, thanks! I love the story at the beginning, and the idea that we have to decide our own destinies. I really need to start working on taking control of my life and where it’s going!
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However, some interpretations of the procedure for generation or manifestation, sound suspiciously akin to control. Some professionals claim that we create or attract everything – every scenario, every position, every person that we encounter in our lives. They maintain that we are entitled to complete and to have everything that we want.
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